Parenting Starts Long Before They Understand

If you want a considerate, respectful, responsible, independent, and accountable adult, you have to start training them early.

In my opinion, around age 10 is close to the end of the "blank canvas" stage. Now before anybody jumps in, no I don't believe children come here with nothing. I think they come here with something already inside of them. But there are categories that parents are responsible for helping fill. Some categories belong to home. Others the world will eventually fill on its own. If we never pour into certain areas, some of those tubes stay empty.

One thing I've noticed working in elementary schools is that ages 2–7 are incredibly revealing. Children begin acting out what they're constantly receiving. They become little mirrors.

To be honest, some days I feel like I'm spending the school day working against adult behaviors more than children's behaviors.

How a parent handles bad news.

The excuses they make.

How they treat other people.

How they speak when they're frustrated.

How respectful or disrespectful they are.

It all walks into the classroom through their child.

Children's emotions aren't completely their own just yet. They're borrowing from the environment they're growing up in. If you become anxious every time life gets stressful, don't be surprised if your child shows anxiety when things get hard. If your first response is yelling, complaining, or blaming, those responses become familiar to them too.

Children are constantly collecting pieces of the environment you've created.

I picture it like this: from ages 2 to 10, they're walking through your life carrying an IKEA bag.

Every single day they're picking things up.

Your habits.

Your reactions.

Your routines.

Your words.

Even the things you think nobody notices.

And the behaviors you repeat consistently? Those are sitting on the shelf with a giant glowing sign that says, "Take me!" They even come with a free gift because consistency makes them feel normal.

Whether it's kindness...

Meditation...

Complaining...

Gossiping...

Patience...

Or yelling...

They're all available in your child's IKEA bag.

The beautiful and challenging part is that children get to choose what they carry with them from the garden you've planted. The more often they see something, the more likely they are to pick it up.

Now here's a question worth sitting with:

How similar is your parenting to the way you were parented?

Most of us are repeating something. Sometimes it's the parts we loved. Sometimes it's the parts we promised we'd never do.

Awareness is where change begins. Our children are watching far more than they're listening.

So if you want to change your child, you may first have to look at the garden they're walking through every day.